Keeping Sane

It really is becoming difficult for me not to be talking to my husband. I know that he is hurting and probably going a little crazy. I know how his mind works and he is in a 23 hour lockdown unit, so he is stuck in that little cell all day. It makes me cringe just to think about it. I don't always know how to make him feel better and I just don't have the money to put on the phone. I just feel horrible rejecting his calls, but there is nothing I can do. I guess I just need to suck it up and know that he will be ok. It just makes me so mad that they keep them locked up in those cells so much. It can drive a person mad and I'm pretty sure it is well documented throughout the country that it does indeed do that to many inmates.

Soooooo I have been trying to keep myself busy and not thinking about this all day long. I am doing ok with it, but definitely need to find more things to distract myself. I exercised today, went to a thrift store, cooked dinner, wrote my babe a letter, showered, and um was on Tumblr for quite a bit.Why don't I have any hobbies?? Seriously? I used to do stuff all of the time, but it seems like since Isaac went to prison, I have slowly but surely lost any sort of semblance of a life. I am not working currently, and I feel like a recluse. I am in the apartment most of the time unless I have to run errands or go to Dr.'s appts. I don't even know what I would do if I started looking for hobbies. I don't even know what makes me happy anymore honestly. I try not to be consumed by prison and my husbands situation, but it is so hard. I constantly worry and stress and sit around thinking about him. I guess I need to find ways to stay busy. I need to keep myself sane. I already am prone to serious depression. The weather brightening up is helping, but I am always on the verge of driving myself crazy out of loneliness and despair. I have lost the majority of my friends due to both my husband's incarceration and because I chose to isolate myself.My family is supportive of us, but are busy people like most.

I try and focus on diet and exercise since I have some health problems, but it is so hard without much direct encouragement. My husband does definitely try to motivate me from a distance. Often times I will tell myself that I am doing this for both of us, so that we can live a long healthy life together, and hell I want to walk into visits looking good for my man too. My therapist suggested maybe trying out some self-help groups. Could be worth a try. All I know is that I can't sit here bored and going crazy for much longer.