Standing Through Time

As we talked on the phone that one day long ago, I simply said it: “I’m not going anywhere. I will stand here, right by your side. That is my promise.” You were strangely quiet. You told me later you had been fighting back tears after I spoke those words. Now, I have loved you through four facilities in four cities. I have watched you walk towards me in orange, red, striped, and khaki jumpsuits. I have memorized the curves of your handwriting and that familiar “from an offender” stamp on each envelope. With every letter I send the seasons change and my graveyard of empty envelope boxes and used notepads grows. The faceless woman who calls me with her electronic voice is both my best friend and worst enemy, but hearing your voice is my salvation. I have sat on hard stools and plastic chairs, leaned against walls of concrete to speak to you through wires and glass. I remember my face cracking into a smile and tears welling in my eyes. I was staring at you from a distance waiting for the metal gate to part and for the first time in 13 months I was allowed to touch you. Twice a month I drive 6 hours round trip for 1 beautiful hour with you. It is all worth the rude guards and the long waits. I always squeeze you, pat your shoulder and say “take care” before you move toward those metal bars. The hurt that grabs me the minute I walk away from that place never goes away, but all is right with my world now. I held the pain you couldn’t show in there when times got rough, and you held the worry when I got sick. On our wedding day in that fortress of a prison we looked each other in the eyes and promised forever. When things get hard and time moves slowly, when we both weep on the phone, I whisper “do you remember what I promised you?” There is always a pause and you say “yes I do..and you have.” So still, two years later, here I stand. Right by your side.