It's one of those months where the money for phone calls has run out early. I would spend some of my bill money on the phone if Isaac didn't strictly forbid me. That is how powerful hearing his voice is. I need it, I want it, I feel so much better after talking to him. This morning we just used our last couple of minutes. It makes me feel sad and depressed that we can't talk, but some couples in this situation can't talk at all, whether it be their man is in the hole or he lost privileges for some reason. Those are just a few of the scenarios, so I remind myself I must be grateful that we get to talk at all and I really should be reasonable and realistic, but when it comes to love, I feel like I have been bulldozed over. Nothing feels rational. Sensible has gone out the window.
Isaac and I know how much we love each other, but we also know we have to be preparing for the "real world." When he gets out, money will be super tight and we will have to operate from a realistic stand point. He will have fees for house arrest. He will have all sorts of fees probably for parole or probation, and he will probably have trouble getting a job as a felon. Ok I'm going off on a tangent and getting myself all worked up about money. So to make a long story short, Isaac is right. I need to not put money on the phone just because I want to hear his voice. It is not the way life works. I thought I was strong, but I suddenly feel very weak. There are a lot of tests in this life and I guess this is one of them.
I feel aa if home should be taken care of first & the fact he acknowledges that is amazing. It shows his morals & character. He knows exactly what is more important. You just need to accept that. I was the same way. Down to my last penny for the phone or canteen & my man would skip a day to call just so we can save money. We even went down to one call a day. Take it day by day.
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