Living Life vs. Waiting

I often struggle with the concept of living my life wholly and fully vs. playing the waiting game, placing things on hold while my husband is away. I think I have done the latter unintentionally these past 4 years, but it is really hard to continue to live your life as if something is not missing! My other half is missing. Our life together is missing! We don't wake up together or go to sleep together. We don't share meals or walks together. We can't cuddle on the couch or think about starting our family yet.

On the other hand, I yearn to keep some sort of normalcy and a life. I recently started a job and my coworkers invite me out on the weekends. Although it brings a certain sense of guilt, I enjoy getting out every once in a while. My husband sometimes gets upset about this, but what it comes down to I've learned is that he's more hurt he can't be enjoying the fun out here with me too. He really gets depressed and I feel guilty.

So where's the happy medium? I've started working out again, I see a therapist, work takes most of my day.  I spend time with friends and family. But sometimes it doesn't seem like enough, because I'm constantly thinking of Isaac. The more time grows closer the harder it is to be without him.

Some ladies devote their whole lives to their significant other. I'm not saying that's wrong, but for me it puts me in hyper focus and makes me sad and depressed. I'm always wondering what he's doing.

We talk about keeping our eyes on the prize, but can we do that while having a life? Devotion and obsession are two different things. I feel you don't want to look back on years of your life and wonder what you did. There has to be a happy medium. Discuss it with your man. Explain your need for a life outside of prison. If he loves you and wants the best for you, he will understand.