So I went to visit my husband a little over a week ago. It was pretty last minute because I was planning and going with his family later in the week, but he called and asked me to come on Sunday. I felt bad because his family couldn't go and often times they can only go if I give them a ride, but he was adamant I come. I had been missing him pretty badly, so I was excited, just not looking forward to the 6 hour roundtrip drive. I hate leaving visits and then getting in the car and going straight home and being left alone with my thoughts for that period of time. I always get all introspective and analyze some of the visit and try to replay it in my head.
My husband was still pretty grumpy. I am not sure what exactly his problem is. I know part of it is he is frustrated that I have yet to get my health in order. What I think he doesn't recognize is that I start out every day trying, but sometimes falter...a lot. It doesn't mean I have given up though. I mean in all fairness, he is in prison...therefore I think he might have had some trouble getting some things straight in his life, so I don't know why he is so hard on me about this. I think partially it is because he is scared. He is afraid my health will deteriorate further. He wants us to have a long full life together, to grow old together, have a family and be happy and not plagued by worry regarding this subject.
Anyway it was a nice visit. We just drank some sodas and had a bag of chips. The guard for some reason came over and told us our visit was over and I had just got there 15 minutes prior to that. We adamantly stated this and finally he realized he had the wrong table and apologized profusely. I could see my husband was starting to get mad, so I'm really glad the guy figured it out quickly. We talked about Isaac's family and how sometimes I don't see eye to eye with them and get frustrated when Isaac refuses to get in the middle of it. It is his family for goodness sakes! I just feel like sometimes they take advantage of me driving them to visit all the time and I am the only one funding his books with what little extra money I have. Sometimes I just think they could make a greater effort to be there for my husband. We are all very different and have different morals and ideals, and I think sometimes this gets in the way of us understanding one another. Don't get me wrong, we get along, but have quite a few awkward moments and kind of passively avoid each other. They write occasionally and Isaac writes back from time to time, but they are not always very involved. Then again, I think they are tired of seeing Isaac in trouble. This is the third time they have watched him go to prison. He is so young and it had to have been very sad for them. I wasn't around for the first two incarcerations, so this experience has been new for me. It doesn't mean it doesn't suck any less though, that is for sure.
Well all in all it was a nice visit. It was great to see him and I loved our goodbye kiss! I enjoyed staring at my sexy ass husband for an hour! Man I want to jump that man! If only...Until our next visit, my mind will ponder and my heart will long. Some visits will be better than others, some periods of time in a prison relationship will be different than others. We just try and get through them, day by day, month by month, year by year.
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