Sometimes I want to pretend that my husband's opinion is null and void on certain subjects because he is in prison. I know that doesn't sound very much like a marriage compromise, and yes it really isn't. I think sometimes I use this excuse so that I do not have to improve myself in certain ways or make necessary changes in OUR lives.
This morning my husband called me and he once again started talking about how I need to take care of my health. These type of "lectures," as I had started to refer to them as were wearing my patience thin. I felt as though he did not recognize all the effort I had put forward to get my diabetes more controlled. Yes I still have a ways to go, but I felt like he was almost criticizing me. Yes there is so much I need to do. I need to lose weight, quite a bit of weight, I need to get my diet more paired down to the basics and not eat so much processed, refined food. I need to do a lot of things. It is like Isaac started working out again and he wants to preach to me or so I felt.
The fact of the matter is Isaac loves me. He loves me more than anyone has ever loved me in my life outside of my family. It is an undying love, a love that knows very few bounds, a love that is primal in it's passion, and fiercely protective of my being. What I am saying is that he only wants what is best for me like he wants what is best for himself. His worry and his caring about my health come naturally, which shouldn't make me feel annoyed, it should make me feel loved. It should make me feel motivated.
This morning Isaac called and gave me the speech about how I should get out of bed and get some exercise. I have been feeling like crap lately and my feet are swollen from the heat and probably my over consumption of salt. I felt annoyed and attacked as usual, like who is he to tell me what to do? He is not here to support me in my weight loss and healthy living endeavors. I think he has fears that I won't be able to have a healthy pregnancy when he gets out and that we won't have a long happy life if I keep sabotaging myself and my health. I have those same fears. I got up anyway after we ended the call. I went and took my blood sugar and it was quite high. I have been neglecting myself. He is right. I need to get my shit together. So...I made a strawberry tofu smoothie, took my insulin and meds, and am about to attempt to get on the stationary bike and do 15 mins. It is a start and better than nothing.
In the end, my husband's opinion from behind bars matters, and not just because he was right, but because he is my spouse and deserves the right of making decisions along with me, we need to work together. I mean I always thought I had the right to bug him about his behavior. Well this is my behavior and I have to come to terms with the fact that he has the right to bug me too!
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