Anniversary Visit

My husband and I had our 1 year anniversary visit on Valentine's Day. It was almost surreal because there was a couple getting married while I was there and it made me all nostalgic. We had stood in their places behind that glass in the visiting room 1 year ago. The groom had 2 guests that were other inmates and they were so excited for the ceremony. It made me think about how there probably is not a lot to get excited about in there. I don't know the pure joy on their faces just struck me, and these guys were just the groomsmen.

Anyway, Isaac and I had a wonderful visit. He drank 3 pops and ate a bag of jalepeno cheddar cheetos. I had a sensible diet coke, then sadly gorged myself on Mcdonalds after I left. We just talked, held hands, were smart asses to each other. He looked so cute. He had just gotten his hair cut. It really is the little things with prison relationships. A certain glance, the fresh smell of his deodorant when we embrace. He loves to sneak in touches of my hair. Right when we are done taking a picture his arm lingers around my waist and he pinches my back. I love to grasp the back of his head when we have our hello and goodbye kisses.  I guess I am just trying to get across the point that little things can mean so much when you get a one hour visit every two weeks. I am so jealous I must admit of those who can go every week and for hours! I wish all the prisons in this country were streamlined and they all had conjugal visits!!!

After that wonderful visit, I picked up my gate release full of Valentine's Day cards and pictures. I looked through them in my car and looked up to see a fellow visitor doing the same in her car. What a strange love life this must seem to outsiders I thought to myself. I left that day with my heart full of love and my mind full of longing and determination to have my husband home. I feel such a sense of desperation. It came upon me all of a sudden. Before I thought I had accepted my husband's sentence, but now I realize perhaps I have not. At night I cry for him and my chest aches feeling the need for him to be with me now. All I can do is pray. That is all I can do and hope the legal system will work in our favor. It eats me alive at night. Here I am at 4am and feel so lost. But I will stand strong for my husband. I will.