Early Morning Calls and Such

My husband is like my alarm clock. Half the time I think his ringtone is my alarm clock. He calls very early in the morning which is when he has rec. It is about 6:30-7am. It is amazing how quickly I can go from solidly asleep to wide awake in seconds. His calls usually set the tone for our days and we had a great one this morning. We talked about how our days were yesterday and he pledged to get more sleep and I am going to exercise. We are excited because our 1 year wedding anniversary is coming up on Valentine's Day. I have been trying really hard to get cards out to him, a few Flikshops and some letters so he feels very special on our day. I also hope to make the 3 hour trek there on V-day if this ridiculous winter weather allows.

We are trying really hard to listen to each other and to respond according to the other's needs. Isaac has an interview coming up for a detail job and he is really excited. I hope he get's it! He was really disappointment when he didn't get into the spiritual based life skills program that he interviewed for like 5 months ago. I think he could have really benefited from that program.

I still feel guilty though. I get to get back into my warm comfortable bed if I want to and go back to sleep for a little while longer, and then get up and shower when I desire and for however long I desire. I know it is natural to feel for your partner, but then I must remember he is busy paying his "debt to society." I can have compassion for him, but I can't feel bad for living, for carrying out my life. That is a hard distinction to make and I feel bad all the time, but I know deep down I shouldn't. He has ordering for commissary soon and I am as usual strapped for cash and I always feel horrible when I can't give him what I FEEL is an acceptable amount, but he always assures me whatever is fine, even if it is nothing, but I am always left feeling like a failure. I am for the most part his only financial support, really his only support in general and I want to make things as comfortable for him as possible while he is serving his time. I think what it comes down to is not that I think he needs to live like a king while in, but that prison can kill your spirit, especially if you feel a lack of support and I need him and his spirit when he gets out so we can begin a whole new chapter in our lives.

Well I went off on a tangent there. Anyway about to start my day. I am going to attempt to get my car out of the shop, exercise and do some cleaning. Hopefully I will be back on later today!