Peace

That day I saw the sun and moon in your eyes. I recognized would I could not remember. I became familiar with that which I had always known. I married the man that brings me to tears with his love. I had so much turmoil in my heart and in my soul prior to our marriage. I discussed the pit of depression that I had fallen into, the despair of knowing Isaac has quite a bit of time left on his sentence, and my doubts and fears. Truth be told there were some things about myself, my life, and my past that I had never told Isaac in the two years we had been together. I felt horrible for not confiding in him and trusting him to understand the things that haunt me and perplex me. I decided one day in a moment of desperation, a moment where I could no longer hold the breath inside my chest, the words inside my mouth, I spilled everything I wanted to tell Isaac. His reaction made me shed tears of relief and joy. He was understanding, caring, reassuring, and gentle with me. He told me that he doesn't judge me for the things that have happened in my life, that he loves me and that love does not have stipulations. I felt the weight of the world fall off my shoulders. Suddenly everything became clear. I no longer had doubts about getting married. I mean I was close to dreading our wedding and we fought so much that we almost called it off. I suggested a break and Isaac couldn't handle that idea. He didn't understand why it would be necessary since we were apart so much anyway and have such limited communication.

Our upcoming marriage became solid. It became a thing to hope for, to look forward to, to believe that it would make life that much better. My entire outlook on our relationship changed. I was suddenly filled with joy and faith in the union we had created. I finally felt at peace. Everything changed at the point after I let my demons loose in the presence of Isaac and he did not reject me. I love that man more than life itself. I love him like the ocean meets the sky, never ending and with such a fervor or passion I fear I may fall off the edge of the world.

Flash to a couple of weeks ago, and it is the day of my wedding. I have spent literally months preparing for this moment. Every detail I scrutinized, every scenario I had going through my head as to what could go wrong. In the end it was combined into one lovely blissful moment. The moment I walked in that visiting room and saw Isaac sitting in the small glass room at least 30 feet away, the tears began streaming down my face and sobs racked my chest. I was filled with such emotion and love at that moment. I cried throughout the entire ceremony. Isaac did as well. We had four family members present and tears glistened on their faces as well. It was a wonderful occasion. It felt so comfortable to become Isaac's wife. Staring into each other's eyes throughout the time I felt that same sense of peace wash over me. In the depths of my mind and soul, it was a perfect moment. We visited afterwards and the next day as husband and wife.

Marriage is the ultimate commitment. I don't think I realized the extent of this when we first got engaged. I made a promise to stand by Isaac through anything and everything, to be his companion, to love and trust and learn to mediate between our differences. I am still learning the meaning of this concept. I think I will for the rest of my life. Our marriage has created pact between us, one bound by love and by compromise.

In the end the choice Isaac and I made to get married was a natural one. Our love feels natural and it always has, but I know longer doubt him, doubt our relationship, doubt my choices. Believe me this life is still not easy. It is hard as hell. I have horrible days sometimes, I have moments of despair, moments where I feel as though he will never come home, never be in my arms, never stand in front of me unhindered, but I know in my heart, that this time will pass away, this time will dissipate, and he will stand in front of me. Together we will no longer be pieces, but be whole.