Isaac has a lot of strong opinions on life, especially on our life. One of these surrounds my health and habits. I am diabetic and have had some subsequent health issues in relation to that. I spent last night in the ER with chest pain. The doctors were worried I might have a blood clot from recent traveling. I could hear in his voice he was scared to death about my health and I hated that. I don't want my husband to constantly worry.
Long story short, I did not have a blood clot, but my health remains risky. We always talk about wanting to have children, but I would really need to get my health in order for that to happen. Sometimes I wonder if I am self-sabotaging. Then I think what reason would I have to do this? Essentially I am cutting down the years I have to spend with my husband and we have a lot of catch up to play. Why can't I just eat healthier? Why can't I exercise regularly? Why can't I value my life because it seems like my husband values it more?
I could say that his incarceration has brought a lot of stress, because it has. But that is no excuse to eat whatever and to become a sloth. I was sick with no symptoms before he got locked up, so to say it is stress, could maybe be a half truth. I have definitely learned to handle the stress of having an incarcerated loved one better, yet my health remains poor. Incarceration takes a toll on loved ones I think that is very often unseen. We grieve silently, we feel shame and guilt hidden behind happy masks. It is taken out on our body, lashing us, beating us into submission and perhaps the only thing to do is to fight back.
Doing things that take up time is always recommended when your loved one is away. Why not rebuild your mind and body? Why not create a different perspective on life? There is always this theory that life has to stop when your husband goes away, but in fact Isaac has been trying to shoe me forward this whole time. Maybe he does know best in this case? I mean yes my health is important, but I also want to look my best for when he comes home as well. I also know I am going to need some stress relief habits for when I am dealing with him with parole fees and appointments, etc...
Anyway I think I have fought Isaac knowing best because I wanted to be right and because quite frankly I am in denial of my health being bad. NOW is the time to act. We lose so much time to incarceration. Why lose time to poor health or any other habit that is holding us back?
No comments:
Post a Comment