There is a certain sadness that comes along with being a prison wife/girlfriend/fiancé, etc...Sometimes we try to pretend like it doesn't exist, like it isn't curled up next to us, that we are not alone, but still it lingers. It comes at night, it comes when witnessing others in happy relationships, it comes unprovoked. Time eases it and makes it worse all in one breath.
Isaac and I were in an apart period or a "broken up" period I guess you could say when he was arrested and sent to jail. I had no idea he was in there for two months. He wasn't ripped away from me, he simply disappeared. I know often the sadness and the trauma that comes from the loved one being "taken" from their significant other, which I think is very understandable, but I don't think you need that type of situation to feel the loss, to feel the sadness, the trauma.
There are those that are MWI "Met While Incarcerated" and they feel the loss and sadness too because in my opinion it is more about dwelling on what we are missing, feeling the absence of a person we have grown to love and care for. As I stated Isaac and I were not together before he became incarcerated even though we had dabbled in "something" for a period. Our time prior to incarceration was filled with turmoil. I was so mad at him and then when I found out he was in jail for some reason I softened. Was that good or bad? I am not sure, but I know I was sad, sad that a man I had met outside the context of prison, a gentle man was in a cage now. Now the majority of our relationship and all of our marriage is based on and set in the context of incarceration. I think that's what makes me sad at times, that I don't know my own marriage outside of a box. I think of all we could have had if he had not gone away. It drives me mad at time. With time passing I get anxious.
This sadness dwells inside us and we push it away, or sometimes we wallow in it, sometimes we embrace it for what it is and continue on with our lives. I have seen some prison wives consumed by it. Maybe I am consumed by it.
