Isaac about gave me a heart attack this past week. I did not hear from him for 5 days. No phone calls, no JPay emails, no letters. I was so worried. I called the prison on the 5th day and they said they were not on lock down. I called again asking if he had been moved, and the woman told me she could not give me any information and hung up on me. I was supposed to visit the next day, but I didn't feel comfortable driving the 6 hour roundtrip without even knowing if I could see him, so I cancelled the visit and I know it dissapointed his family who was supposed to come, but it could have been a waste of money. Well I am laying awake in bed and who calls at 11:45pm, but Isaac. I was so happy to hear his voice. They had in fact been on lock down since this past Thursday and had gotten off the day I called the prison.
We talked and joke and of course I cried because I had been scared, very scared that something could have happened. I know if something really bad had happened they would call me, but what if he got in trouble and had been thrown in the hole? Or in a minor fight? I had always prided myself on learning patience throughout this journey, but I don't know, I just had a bad feeling about this all! Well turns out he is ok and I am thankful for that. When we were joking around I got such a longing to have him right here with me, we would talk for hours and be silly and just mess around. It sounds like heaven on earth at the moment. It makes the waiting that much more difficult.
So on a random note, I have been tossing around the idea of moving in with my mother. This would only technically be for 3 months to save money to move to a different city. The town I live in now is too small and judgmental and is also too close to where Isaac grew up and got all his charges at. He knows too many people there that are not good for him. First let me say that I have lived in the same apartment going on 5 years and I feel attached to it. Also for the exception of a couple of months when I moved back home from NYC, I have not lived with my mother for close to 15 years. I left after high school for college and never came back until 5 years ago. Anyway, I see my feelings of independence as an adult going out the window, I see my mom and I fighting, I will miss my privacy, etc... but I think what it comes down to is sacrifice. If I want to relocate, I can't do it outright because I have no savings. I will have to stay with my mom while I save up and I think I can live with that. I love my mom, she is a great person, we just sometimes want to rip each other's heads off! It is also just a little fear of the unknown. I mean Isaac and I will have to discuss where the best place to move to is. He is all for the move. He said he suggested it ages ago, which I must agree he did, but I was feeling different about it then. Now I am trying to keep my eyes on the prize because we are thinking of trying for a sentence modification at some point soon. Well I'm just going to think, think, think. I don't want to be one of those people who never takes action though, who let's fear drive them. I want to make moves.
No comments:
Post a Comment