I feel tired, pretty damn exhausted to be exact. I am trying so hard to keep up my workout and eating regimen and write Isaac and visiting, and work, and begin the moving process. I am starting to feel a bit overwhelmed. When I was driving back from the gym, it was just starting to get light out and I was looking at the frozen lake and the park and the suns rays peeking out. I was listening to Lana Del Rey and the words "summer nights in mid July, when you and I were forever wild," came on and it made me sad and so nostalgic. Isaac and I could be having a morning walk by the lake, we could be stealing kisses behind the big oak trees, lord I sound like a teenager, but that is what I feel like at times when it comes to Isaac. We didn't have much time together before he was gone, and we missed so many relationship milestones. We missed the beauty of falling in love out in the world. What we had out here was lust, with some feelings tossed in between. We fell in love in prison, we discovered each other behind bars. So basically I am nostalgic for what I have not had, little nuanced acts that want to bring me to tears when I think of them.
My mood is so much better with the exercise and the demise of winter slowly yet surely. Better days are coming, I can feel that. I pray that Isaac can get this sentence modification. I pray we can begin to make moments that before had got lost with prison. I'm in love and I want to express that, not always through the written word, or through pictures, or phone calls. I want to feel the warm skin of my lover and remind him of when we were "forever wild," our kind of forever wild.
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